Basketball Diaries

I played pick-up basketball today with my co-workers, and it went about as well as you might imagine that it would.  The last time I hung up my sneakers, I seem to remember myself looking something like this:

Somewhere in the past seven years of inactivity, I somehow managed to morph into this:

(Which, by the way, is totally unfair because this guy is 73-years old in this picture and managed to make a college basketball roster.  Here's more from the newsroom: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QvkmqbgUU_E&feature=player_embedded.)

Anyway, besides giving me the gift of an enormous basketball scoreboard that is bringing back fond memories of my better years, my parents also gave me the gift of hope in the form of a new pair of basketball shoes.  I have been looking for every excuse in the book to not make myself get back out there, and my friends and family are doing everything they can to smash those hurdles down.  I figured I owed it to everyone to get back out there and give it the old college try.  We played 2-on-2 again, which meant that one poor soul was saddled with 268 lbs of dead weight.  I think I mentioned this in a previous post, but the most frustrating thing about trying to come back is knowing that my mind still thinks like a guy who has never stopped playing while my body acts like a guy who has been dead for three years.  I don't have the lungs for the constant movement, I don't have the knees for the drives, cuts, and stops that I used to thrive on, and I don't have the coordination to be able to do things that used to be automatic.  When I post up (a spot I'm so much more comfortable at, mostly because it just involves standing and leaning), I still remember what to do, but when I go up for easy shots, it is like my hands can't figure out if we're doing a jump shot or a lay-up.  Have you ever seen someone block himself when he was shooting?  I'm almost pretty sure that I did that three times today.

I'm only going to get better with repetition and time, but of course this happens to be the week where I have something going on every other day over the lunch hour.  Still, I had way more fun today than I did a couple of weeks ago when I only made it 18 minutes.  Today I made it a full 42 and lasted for three games. Granted, this is half court ball, so all bets are off when we get more guys and have to start running up and down the court.  I can only imagine what kind of shape I'll be in on afternoons where we go full court since today I played, showered, dried off, went back to my desk, and was absolutely soaked by the time I logged back in to my computer.  Investing in a small fan for that after workout moisture is going to be a necessity.  With that said, I've got a new pair of kicks, a big ol' scoreboard reminding me there's a champion somewhere deep inside of me, and fantastic (and patient) friends and family who won't let me quit.  I may not ever get back to my glory days, but to paraphrase the words of America's finest poet, Sir Toby Keith, I'm not as good as I once was, but I can only hope to be as good once as I ever was.  

In the meantime, I will continue trying to go from this:

...into that...

...without ever going back to this.

Finally deciding to "Shoot it, fat boy!", 

Stiles Pool

Monday 1535: Easter Ponies and Scoreboards

Welcome to Week 2 of The Challenge!  Let's start with the initial business at hand.

So, a Week 2 weight loss of a little under a pound.  Disappointing but not disheartening.  In my head, I had set an original goal of 30 lbs. over the six month period, so I needed to average about 5 lbs. per month.  I'm still well ahead of my first month goal in the first two weeks of The Challenge with a total loss of about 8 pounds, so I'll take it.  I also weighed in Friday morning when I was coming off of about four hours of sleep with a belly full of pizza, fries, and beer from a long work week celebration with some co-workers.  I'd like to think that had I not indulged the night before, I probably would have been down to around 249.  That seems totally reasonable.  

Anyway, I decided that overdoing it Thursday night just wasn't enough, so I went about doing what I could to gain some weight this weekend, too.  Since the excuse train is running full-throttle, let's throw on another one.  My family came up to visit, so I decided I'd cook supper and breakfast for them, and then we went out Saturday night at ate our weight in German meats at Gasthof zur Gemutlichkeit.  When a restaurant has been featured on Man vs. Food, it probably isn't the best for the diet plan.  It didn't matter, though.  We had such a good time drinking beer and cider, eating meat until I started getting a sinus headache, raising our glasses for birthday toasts for everyone in the place, singing along with a man playing an accordion wearing lederhosen, taking the complimentary apple schnapps shot at the end of the meal, and even inhaling spearmint snuff through our noses to wash it all down.  I'm pretty sure we wouldn't have had as much fun at the Tofu Hut.

Please know that I am in no way blaming my family or friends for my decisions, successes, and failures.  I need to be mentally healthy in order to make it through this, and being able to go out and have fun once in awhile will help me stay on the right track long term, even at the sacrifice of a big result on Fridays. Anyway, I jumped on the scale this morning just to check the damage, and even with a big breakfast at IHOP (which does not stand for Impressively Healthy Organic Platefuls) yesterday morning, I had only gone back up to 269.  Other good news: I dropped two full belt sizes in the past two weeks and people who don't know about The Challenge are commenting on how noticeable my efforts are.  That's more than enough to get me back on the horse and to keep blasting my way to October.  

In other news, I am now a degenerate pony gambler and I have an enormous scoreboard in the middle of my living room.  First the horses.  To put it lightly, my mom has never met a blackjack table that she didn't like.  She's not an addict or anything, but if we are in a casino, she's at a blackjack table.  I decided to take my parents to Running Aces Casino on Saturday night because I was afraid that if we didn't go do an activity we'd just end up eating again.  My sister went to a movie with a "friend" (cough, cough), so we headed up north.so my mom could get her cards fix and my dad and I could sit at the bar and watch sports.  Running Aces also happens to have horse race betting, so my dad decided he'd teach me how to bet the ponies.  After a couple of races, I officially had a scientific method of picking the winner and the second place horse.  The general idea was to always pick the horse with a girl's name in a possessive format (Rachel's Dream, Annie's Glory, Sophie's Choice) and the horse with the most intimidating cool abstract name (Axion, Scoozi, Mitsubishi).  Sometimes there was a car on the track that served as the starting gate, and betting on the Buick was also a safe choice.  We did pretty well making $2 bets on each race, and if you don't count the cost of the beer we drank (which is usually the only place I put down money at the casino because I consider a beer for $3 to be a win every time), we actually came out ahead on the night.  If I'm forced to go to another casino, I think I've found my calling.

Next up, the gigantic scoreboard.  Perhaps you remember the tale of the Sensational Seven, a rag-tag group of teenagers who bonded over the years and came together to win the Sioux Falls city Hi-Y league at the YMCA back in the spring of 2009.  If you are a Facebook friend of mine, you also know that right after the blog post was made one of my old teammates found the ORIGINAL scoreboards that were used in the YMCA in the Zip Foods gym during our championship run.  I posted the link to the scoreboards on Craigslist and made a statement about how it would be the ultimate gift for me.  Brent called on those scoreboards, and I was informed that they officially were gone.  Oh well, life sucks sometimes.  Well, when my family arrived Friday night I saw my dad walking off steps in my house like he was measuring something.  It had started to rain, so my mom decided we needed to go down and get my gift out of the back of the truck before it was ruined.  

Before we go too much further, let me tell you about my apartment.  It is not a big space, and I have it arranged in a way that befits a nearly 30 year old bachelor.  It is adult with just the right amount of fun to make it look like I'm not trying too hard.  I also have a genetic predisposition to collecting random junk, so I have to fight that very hard because it is very easy to let it take control.  If you don't believe me, look in my car.

Okay, back to the story.  We went downstairs in the rain to fetch my gift out of the back of the truck.  The thing six feet long, four feet high, and weighed 900 lbs.  I live on the second floor of my apartment complex, so we worked to get it inside and up the stairs.  In the process I lost about 4 square inches of skin, bruised my ankle bone, and either pulled my groin or suffered a hernia.  We got it in and got it in a place where we could close the apartment door.  My best guess was that it was either a really tall entertainment center or a fake fireplace.  Either way, it was huge.  So, I unwrapped the plastic and saw this:

The ultimate gift framed in a tree's worth of lumber.  I was awestruck.  On one hand, this was the single coolest thing I've ever been given.  It is an authentic relic from one of my most cherished period of my life.  It is amazing.  On the other hand, it is enormous!  Evidently my brain somehow had shrunk the size of the scoreboards over the years.  The gyms we played in had 80 foot ceilings which clearly threw off my ability to accurately measure how big these were, and the dimensions of 4' x 6' on Craigslist clearly didn't register.  I had the same problem a few years back when I paid $60 for a Three Stooges beer sign that I assumed was a portrait size and ended up being about the size of a large postcard.  Measurements clearly aren't my thing.  

Anyway, if you come to visit me, expect to be welcomed by a fully functional scoreboard as you walk in the door.  Someday when I have a house and a room dedicated to my childhood glory, this thing will be the centerpiece that will have everyone talking.  Until then, it is a really, really big place to set my keys.  Still, I'm pretty blessed to have a great family that would be thoughtful enough to buy it, frame it, and haul it all the way to Minnesota, and I can't wait to get the Sensational Seven up here to sign the frame.  Maybe we can even watch some old game tape while wearing our championship T-shirts.  

I hope you had as great of an Easter weekend as I did.  If you're like me, you hid your eggs last Monday and still haven't found them all!  Thanks again for your continued support, and it is never too late to make a pledge towards my health for the American Heart Association!  

Scoring from home,

Jeff

Monday 1534: You Want 10 Truths?! You Can't Handle 10 Truths!

(I know this "Monday" is technically a Tuesday, but my real Monday went all Garfield on me and didn't leave me with the mental energy to put this out there.  Please cope.)


1.  I Had a GREAT First Week
I won't tease you and make you read to the very end of the post to find out how I did.  Remember, my starting weight was 274.2 on Friday, April 8.  As of Friday, April 15, I am currently clocking in at:

267.4!  I'll take a one week loss of 6.8 pounds.  I know the first week is always one of the easiest, but just like back in November, I'm going to cling to even the most inflated victories.  Let's also not forget that when I started this whole ordeal back in November I was at 289, so that's a 22 pound total loss that has been somewhat maintained for six months.  While it isn't the end result I'm shooting for, it is enough to remind me that I can keep going and succeed.  For those of you keeping track at home, that's $87.50 total donated to the American Heart Association after Week 1 of The Challenge.

2.  Limiting Fast Food Was Phase 1
I wish I could say I did something miraculous, but I literally just didn't eat out as much.  I say as much because I didn't even manage to cut out eating out altogether.  The difference was that when I did stop at McDonald's for breakfast, I went with the oatmeal (it is really, really good) and a medium black coffee.  I still had a couple of weird binging moments on both weekends, but the good outweighed the bad.  I'm still big enough that screw-ups don't completely derail the weekly results, but that is a crutch I need to get rid of soon.

3.  Adding Light Exercise Is Phase 2
I'm almost positive that I've mentioned how much I hate working out.  I decided this weekend that I really wanted Subway, but the only way I was going to allow myself the pleasure was if I walked to Subway to get my food.  It seemed pretty simple, but when I got back home with my sandwiches I wasn't as happy as I should have been with my decision.  The following sentences are going to sound like a completely spoiled fat kid who has clearly grown up in America, but it is what I was thinking, so I'm sharing regardless of how whiny  and privileged it makes me sound.  I have some major hang-ups about walking for the sake of walking.  The biggest one is that when I see a guy walking by himself somewhere, I immediately think, "I wonder if he got a DUI or if his car got repo'ed?"  You just don't see single men walking around by themselves all that often.  If it is women in sweatpants or a couple pushing a stroller, well, clearly they are trying to get healthier.  But dudes out walking around?  There's something inherently creepy about that to me.  I don't enjoy walking just to get outside, enjoy the fresh air, and clear my head.  I can open windows and sleep to get those things accomplished.  I might walk if I had a purpose (other than health), but if there was really a purpose like needing to get somewhere, why wouldn't I just hop in my car and get there five times as fast without all the smelling like a locker room nonsense?  I walked a couple of times in Sheldon because there was a group of people that did it, but never alone.  So, I'm still working on implementing a Phase 2 that involves some form of exercise that will just help push my weight loss progress along.  If I can get down under 260, I think I'll be ready to step it up to something a little more heavy duty (please do not read that sentence as "running for the sake of running" because I understand that even less than the walking nonsense).

4.  There Are Some Advantages to Not Having Cable
I'm still rocking the bunny ears and a Netflix subscription, which have allowed me to enjoy the following perks:

• I don't have to watch the Twins lose on a regular basis. C'mon fellas!  Pull it together!
• I've never seen an episode of Jersey Shore, which makes me feel like I'm a better person.
• I've been able to watch some of the most amazing movies/documentaries/TV shows that I never would have found otherwise.
• I'm not a slave to having 5,000 shows to watch anymore.  I used to have 4:30-11 pm every single night of the week blocked out for my shows.  Now I regularly watch Modern Family and The Office.  The freedom is amazing.
• I figured out how to stream YouTube videos directly to the big screen, so I can now watch wrestling matches from the 80's and 90's whenever I please.  It's still real to me, dammit!
• I've also seen some really, really, epically awful movies, too, including every Nic Cage movie ever made.  I have a weird obsession with Nic Cage movies.  If you've never tried this before, go into a really, really bad movie with zero expectations for greatness, and then sit back and enjoy the awfulness involved.  Also, while you are doing this, remember that this movie cost more to make than you'll earn in your entire lifetime.  I would encourage you to have a cold beverage in hand as you make all of these realizations.  Even in Nic Cage's best movies he was bat-shit crazy, and I guess I admire his dedication to his crazy craft.  Also, he won an Oscar.

5. I Never Stopped Believing
Back in the summer of 2009, I went to the third greatest concert I'd ever been to and arguably the most fun.  A group of my buddies got together and shared the experience of Journey live in concert.  To make it all that much better, they had Night Ranger (for you kids out there, they sang "Sister Christian") opening for them.  We stood through almost the entire concert and sang along with every song we knew.  When they tried to get fancy and play new stuff, we, along with everyone else in the Arena, ran to the local beer stand to refill our fun tanks.  It was an absolute blast.

You can imagine my surprise when I found out that Journey and Night Ranger were back out on tour again and would be making a stop in St. Paul.  This news alone was enough to get me excited, but then I found out that Foreigner would be joining them this time around.  Ladies and gentlemen, I dare you to find a better combination of 70's/80's hair band, pop rock, anthem-style awesomeness.  I immediately bought six tickets so that I can share the experience again with friends.  I have one additional ticket spoken for by my rock n' roll aunt, but if you're interested in joining us let me know.  Supplies are limited. Some restrictions may apply.  Offer not valid in New Hampshire, Rhode Island, or Alaska.

6. My New Rice Cooker Is a Miracle Worker
My friend Zach gets the shout out of the week for turning me on to the miracle of the rice steamer.  For $15, I get to come home every night, throw some rice and water in a pot, throw some veggies on top in the steamer basket, throw in the meat of my choice, and enjoy a tasty and nutritious dinner in about 20 minutes with almost zero effort on my part.  How did I not have one of these before?!  This thing, in combination with my George Foreman Grill, are easily the two most essential appliances I own. Those microwaveable steamer bags are still handy to have around when I'm in a real time crunch, but it is hard to trade off the fresh vegetables.

7.  All Frozen Treats Are Not Created Equal
Over the past couple of weeks, I've found myself craving ice cream more and more. After peeing on a stick, I realized that this craving was not directly linked to an impending pregnancy. Whew! That was a close one. In particular, I'm drawn to Ben & Jerry and all of their delicious creations. As I started this diet, I figured I needed something in the freezer that would help keep this craving under control without allowing me to get out of control. Enter Ben & Jerry's FroYo. I figured that the Half Baked (half brownie, half chocolate chip cookie dough) FroYo (for those of you who are uneducated in frozen food delicacies, it stands for frozen yogurt) might be the answer. With its lower calories and lower fat than the original, I thought maybe having it around would be less harmful than having the real deal.  However, FroYo is not IcCre. The real deal is so rich and creamy and chocolaty and delicious. The fake stuff tastes like frozen milk. I suppose it is better this way because I'll be less tempted to sit down and eat the whole container at once, a feat that I used to perform with some regularity with the ice cream version. I know, I know, having sweets around is flirting with disaster. But if a spoonful of FroYo helps the medicine of weight loss go down, then I guess I'll keep it around.

8. The Keys to My Success
Here are a few of the products that I've found to be helpful:

• Birdseye and Green Giant Steamer Bags-  They steam vegetables, pastas, rice...you name it.  And they all clock in at reasonable calorie/fat numbers
• Jimmy Dean Turkey Sausage, Egg, and Cheese Breakfast Bagel-  Quick, easy, and just over 200 calories.  They are convenient to have on hand for both lunch and dinner.
• Almonds - I bought an enormous thing of almonds at Costco, and I keep them at my desk for when I get hungry.  Just a couple of them manage to stave off any cravings and hunger that might sneak up during a busy day.
• Tyson Frozen Unbreaded Teriyaki Chicken Breasts - These chicken breasts are pre-cooked, and it takes three minutes before they are ready to go on top of my veggies/rice/tortilla/whatever.  
• Papa Murphy's deLite Thin Crust Pizza - I can't not eat pizza.  It is my favorite food, and if I had to choose one item to live on the rest of my life, pizza would win.  Papa Murphy's deLite is really tasty and still makes me feel like I'm treating myself without going overboard.
• McDonald's Oatmeal and Fruit and Walnut Salad (snack size) - I still get lazy and want breakfast variety, and both of these items are fantastic.  The Fruit and Walnut Salad comes with apples, grapes, walnuts, and a little yogurt dipping area.  I have never used all the yogurt topping stuff, so I like to think I'm coming in even further under the calorie radar.  The Oatmeal was a super pleasant surprise.  It was loaded with apples and cranberry raisins, and it had just a slight maple/brown sugar flavor without being too heavy on calories or fat.
• Fresh Express Salad Kits - I'm eating one of these as I type.  It is a full bag of salad meant as a starter for a family, but it works as a stand alone meal for me, too.  Today's version has a Pear Gorgonzola Vinaigrette with Candied Almonds, and it clocks in at 260 calories.  Good stuff, Maynard.  
• Beer - I should probably say "the complete lack of beer".  This past week was one of the first ones in a long time where we didn't end up going to happy hour, so not having those empty calories certainly helped.  With that said, there's no way I'm giving up my happy hour social fun time.  And no, Mom, I can't go to the happy hour, not order a beer, and still have fun.  I'm still in my 20's and want to act like it the small amount that is left.  Still, everything in moderation!

9. The Race was Neck and Neck!
That is, the race to find either the love of my life or a new couch on the Internet.  The couch won, and it took me exactly 14 hours and 27 minutes before I bled on it.  I shouldn't be allowed to have nice things.  In hindsight, the other objective probably would have been more beneficial to my overall mission of a better me, but this couch really is nice and will allow me to have people come over to visit.  Also, I don't have to buy it breakfast in the morning after laying on it all night.  Hey-oh!

10. Heart Disease Accounts for Nearly 40% of All Deaths in the United States
So, if you haven't already and would like to, do your part and pledge your support as I try to not be another one of those statistics.  100% of the proceeds go to the American Heart Association.  If you'd like to pledge, feel free to reply below or e-mail me at jeffpool81@hotmail.com.  I haven't given up my dream of donating $1,500, but at my current pledge rate I need to lose 120 lbs.  That's a tough row to hoe.

Disappearing before your eyes,

Jeff

The Challenge of "The Challenge"

I'm really excited about the progress that The Challenge has already had in the first couple of days.  People seem to really like the idea, and I've received quite a bit of encouragement.  The pledge drive portion of it is something I'm still going to work a little harder on, but a huge thanks goes out to those of you who have decided to help me raise money for the American Heart Association.  I should have added the caveat that if I GAIN weight, I'll pay you however much you pledged per pound.  That would be a Tiger Woods vs. the field kind of bet that more people would probably be interested in getting in on. My ultimate fundraising goal is $1,500, which at the rate I'm going will mean I need to lose 150 lbs.  I'm pretty sure this means that I'm going to have to cut off at least one of my legs.  Still, this is my challenge, so I will keep fighting until my poundage multiplied by the amount of pledgers gets me to my goal.

One of the highlights thus far has been seeing the scale drops start up again.  I was a bad, bad boy last week.  I don't know what it was exactly, but I was on a collision course with bodily destruction.  I ate out every meal.  I polished off a couple of pints of Ben & Jerry's.  I even ate a large Papa Murphy's pizza on Sunday, two days after I secretly started the challenge!  Fortunately for me, I didn't dig myself into too deep of a rut that I can't get back out of it.  In fact, I was already down 2 lbs. this morning!  I really enjoy the motivation of knowing that every glass of water, every little walk during the day, and every watched calorie equals immediate financial success.  I might have even taken a $21 poop this morning!  Sorry, that was gross, but the thought did cross my mind.

I am keeping in my mind that this is definitely not a sprint, but a marathon.  In the past, I've set very large short term goals, like 20 lbs in a month.  I've done it, but it is almost impossible to maintain.  Again, I'm looking for a new lifestyle, not a quick fix.  Six months doesn't seem like a long time in the grand scheme of things, but if I'm lucky I'll get a whopping 144 6-month periods in my life.  I've already used 59 of those, so I'm down to just 85 more (again, if I'm lucky).  I need this 60th period to be the one to prove to myself that I can keep something going for more than three months at a time.  I need it to be more than just rhetoric.

Just like the last time, the food changing is going to the easiest part.  I bought a rice cooker on a tip from a buddy, and I am super pumped to be able to throw in rice and then have it steam veggies and meat on the top.  I'm all about ease and this seems to be about the easiest possible setup in the world.  I'm still not sure how to get myself pumped up about the exercise, though.  I really need to find an activity that I'll be motivated enough to participate in, like the racquetball games I had in Iowa.  I've been invited to go play volleyball with friends, but the HSP in me is not super jazzed about the whole meeting new people and then promptly embarrassing myself in front of them.  It is a lame excuse, I know.  I think I need to start smaller, like tennis with one person, and then work my way up the ladder of people present that might make fun of me.  It is the same reason I don't feel comfortable working out in gyms.  I feel like everyone is watching me because they are.  Don't say you haven't been on that recumbent bike or the elliptical machine and seen the person across the room that is on a machine they have no business being on.  You don't think, "Boy, good for that person for having the initiative to better their health!"  You're thinking, "I wonder if anyone would notice if I took out my cell phone so that I can win America's Funniest Home Videos when this guy falls off that treadmill."  

I haven't played basketball since the one time I tried a couple of weeks ago.  I don't have the right shoes, and I can't really afford to go buy any on this particular paycheck.  I had a pair of basketball shoes that I can go pick up at the old place I lived, but I've had that pair since the early 2000's and they were getting pretty worn down.  Evidently sitting in a closet will that do that shoes.

So, that's the challenge for the rest of this week: find something to do that gets me moving.  Maybe I should buy a bike.  That seems like a reasonable thing to do in Minnesota in the spring time.  Or a dog that I could take on walks.  That would be the illogical thing I've been trying to do for the last five years.  Again, I just want to start small and work my way into it.  I like to play myself off as this morbidly obese person that can barely get of his recliner, but in reality I'm still a somewhat athletic person.  I just need the motivation to get the ball rolling again.  Any suggestions from the peanut gallery?

Challenged in more than one way,

Jeff

P.S. - If you are a reader of the blog and like the concept of my challenge, I would love to hear your ideas on how I can maximize this thing.  If you know of someone who might enjoy the journey, send them on over, too.  If you haven't made a pledge yet but would like to, no worries.  You can jump on my wagon anytime!

P.P.S. - My movie recommendation for the week is "Mary and Max".  It is a stop motion animation movie from a couple of years ago that was hilarious, charming, sad, dark, and overall wonderful.  It has a great cast of voice actors led by Toni Collette (the mom from "Little Miss Sunshine"), Phillip Seymour Hoffman, and Eric Bana, and it tells the tale of how a little girl in Australia finds an unlikely pen pal in a middle aged man in New York who is diagnosed with Asperger's.  The animation was great, but it is definitely an adult movie.  It is currently carrying an 8.2 rating on IMDB.com, which puts it on par with The Wizard of Oz, Toy Story, and Annie Hall, and slightly above Gone With the Wind, Avatar, and The Graduate (all coming in with fan votes at an average of 8.1).  Check, check, check it out!

Monday 1533: The Challenge!

Today is a very special day at the ol' Jeff Pool blog headquarters.  The staff is abuzz and the excitement in the atmosphere is palpable.  In an effort to revisit the original intention of this blog, I am more than pleased to announce the birth of the Jeff Pool Six Month Health Challenge!  At the core of the challenge is an effort to get me to a healthier place physically.  I'm nearly 30, and I can't even imagine the stress I've put on my heart with the fast food diet, sedentary lifestyle, and immense weight that my body has to lug around every day.  I am a prime suspect to have either a stroke or a heart attack, and at the rate I'm going it will be sooner rather than later.  So, I want to do my part to eliminate some of these risk factors.  Longevity is built into my genes on both sides of my family, and I want to be able to type "Fortunately" in front of the first part of this sentence instead of "Unfortunately".  Right now, the scale (literally and figuratively) points to the latter.

The difference between this challenge and any of the other weight loss measures I've put into effect is that I'm going to directly ask you to be an active part of this journey, not just passive.  When I write regularly, I have a fairly decent amount of people that I'm reaching.  Without further ado, I present the 2011 Jeff Pool Six Month Health Challenge or, as I much prefer, Jeff Pool Has a Heart On for Heart Health!

Here's what I've got set up so far:

• The challenge will run from April 8 until October 8 (I secretly started last Friday but was busy enough at work last week that I decided to sit on this announcement until today).
• I will officially weigh in every Friday and post those results on this blog.
• I'm asking for your sponsorship!  I would love for my family and friends to pledge money for every pound I lose in the next sixth months.  The pledges can be as low as 50 cents per pound (if things go well, that probably puts you on the hook for $15). 
• 100% of the proceeds will go the American Heart Association.
• The event will culminate on October 8 at a major party in the greater Sioux Falls area.  I'm still ironing out the details, but I've paid the deposit on a band for that night (one of the wedding leftovers) and by golly, we're going to use them because they rock!  "Heart health" can apply to a lot of different things, and we'll consider that party a celebration of every facet of my healthy heart.  
• At said event, we will have the final weigh in LIVE!  It will have all of the drama of The Biggest Loser, only with beer and live music!
• $2 per pound donation gets you a really nifty t-shirt to commemorate the event.
• You don't have to donate at all.  The party will be free (except for your beverages) and the blogs are still free, and I'm going to need as much support as possible over the next six months, whether it is monetarily or in words of encouragement.
• I'm putting my money where my mouth is and am going on the books for $2 (mostly because I want the free t-shirt...that I'm paying for...wait, what?!).

That's it!  I'm super excited about the idea.  If I can get 50 people to average $1 per pound, and if I can drop 30 lbs., we're looking at a $1,500 donation!  That's something that would make me feel even better on October 8 than my new slim fit jeans.

I need to give credit to my friend Travis at Sioux Empire Fitness for putting the seed for this challenge in my head.  They will be running a similar three month challenge starting later in the summer, so if you like the concept and want to try it out for yourself, keep watching the blog for updates as I get them.

If you're interested in donating, send me a message on Facebook, through the blog comments, or at jeffpool81@hotmail.com.

As a sign-off, here is where the challenge starts:

In case you can't see the picture clearly, it is at 274.2.  See you at the finish line!

Jeff

Batgirl and Robin

Yesterday started out pretty normal.  I spent the entire day working a recruiting event at the Veteran's hospital in Minneapolis, and I had a lot of fun with our new recruiter even though the traffic flow was pretty slow.  We wrapped up around 4:15, and I was anxious to get back to my car and hit the road since I knew I was going to be spending some time trying to get across Minneapolis in rush hour traffic.  When I got out to the parking lot, I noticed that one of the other recruiters from a school I won't name was parked next to me.  She was packing her bags into her trunk and seemed to be in about as much of a rush as I was to get out of the crowded parking lot.  I jumped in my car, fired up my GPS, and made a quick phone call before I started the trek home.  Suddenly, I heard a loud crack and a thud and my car jolted forward.  I looked into my rear view window to see a van quickly pulling forward and away from my car.  I was a little shaken, but I was physically okay, so I jumped out of Journey and went to the back to check the damage.  There on the ground I saw the pieces of my tail light scattered about.  The other recruiter (let's call her Jessica) was still standing outside her car and she asked if I was okay.  When I told her that I was fine, she said, "I can't believe that guy did that and just drove away!"  I asked if she had seen the company name on the side of the van, and she told me that she wasn't paying attention.  Then she pointed across the parking lot and screamed, "There he is!  Hop in my car and we'll go get his information."

Now, I'm usually not a confrontational guy, and I have been involved in a little parking lot fender bender before that ended very civilly (the old woman and I actually hugged before we left and she told me that if anyone in the world could have backed into her BMW, she was glad it was me).  Still, I was pretty peeved that the guy hit and run me since he had to have felt the impact.  My adrenaline was pumping, so I wasn't necessarily thinking straight when I told her thank you and jumped in her front seat.  I didn't know her from Adam, but she's in my business, so that by default makes her good people. I figured that I needed to leave my car in the exact place of the accident so when the entire CSI team showed up they could more easily solve the crime.  I pictured the red plastic being surrounded by little white chalk outlines.  The parking lot was fairly large so I'm pretty sure I couldn't have ran over and caught him on foot, even though the van was sitting at a red light waiting for the passengers on the nearby Light Rail station to load into the train.  As we got closer, we were able to make out the name on the side of the van, and it was a local company I wasn't familiar with.  However, about the time we pulled up the light changed to green and the van started to pull away.  I figured having the name of the delivery company was sufficient enough information to at least be able to report the crime.  Jessica saw it differently.

Before I had time to object, Jessica pulled into the line of traffic and started down the street after the van.  He was at least four vehicles ahead of us, but the van was tall enough that I could still see its top.  I turned to Jessica and said, "Hey, I got the name of this guy's company.  Just let me Google it, we'll give them a call, call the police, and go from there."  "Don't worry about it," she replied.  "As long as you don't have any place to be, it isn't any trouble.  Plus, they're going to want to know a license plate or a vendor number or something."  I was pretty sure that her logic was failed, but she was kind of cute, she was listening to my favorite radio station, and her car smelled like vanilla.  We were on an adventure, and Match.com couldn't hold a candle to this kind of excitement.  We kept the van in sight and cracked a couple of jokes about how we were like Batman and Robin, but how we weren't really sure which of us was which.  All we knew for sure was that we were both glad neither of us was wearing tights.

The van drove a couple of blocks and turned right.  This was our opportunity to make up some ground on him.  We followed suit, and suddenly there was only one car between our super-villain and our make believe Batmobile.  However, that car kept us from getting our license plate number and finally bringing the fugitive to justice.  It was a nice spring day and we had the windows rolled down, so the anxiety of being in a slow speed chase was lessened by two new friends giggling about our adventure as we hummed the Batman theme together.  We drove for maybe a mile until we saw the van turn on its blinker as it approached a set of golden arches.  Holy cheeseburgers!  Our suspect's need for a Big Mac was just the break in the case that we needed.  We pulled into the parking lot behind him, and Jessica pulled into a parking spot just on the other side of his.  The driver jumped out of his van, and I wasn't necessarily overwhelmed by his stature.  He looked like a taller version of Danny DeVito with a stocking cap on, and he walked with a slight limp.  Not exactly Brock Lesnar.  We waited for him to get inside, and I asked with the giddiness of an 8-year old, "What do we do now?"  Jessica thought for a second and then decided, "I'll get out and pretend like I'm checking something in my trunk, you keep your window down and dial 911, and then I'll just read off the license plate to you and you can give it to the dispatcher."

I am not a stupid person, but this idea seemed out of control stupid.  However, I was in the car of a pretty woman who just drove me, a total stranger, into the middle of suburbia, and who was sitting about a foot away looking directly in my eyes, wanting confirmation that her idea was the only right answer.  And she hummed the Batman theme with me. And she smelled like vanilla.  I'm a people pleaser, and I wanted to please her in particular.  I smiled, choked down my common sense, and squeezed out a, "That's a great idea!"  With that Jessica popped her trunk and jumped out of the car while I pulled out my phone and started holding down the 9 button (a shortcut on my BlackBerry for 911).  I waited until the dispatcher came on and asked what my emergency was.  At that moment, I realized I had no idea what I was going to say that wouldn't make me sound out of my freaking mind.  "Yes, ma'am, uhhhh, I was in a parking lot and a guy backed into me and broke my tail light, so I hopped in a car with a strange woman who smells like vanilla, probably left my car door standing wide open, chased a van for the last ten minutes, and am currently sitting next to the van of a man who is probably armed but who needed a Shamrock Shake to help wash down all of his murderous rage.  Are you ready for his license plate?"  That wasn't going to do.

So, I explained to the nice woman that I had been in a hit and run accident and that I was currently sitting next to the vehicle of the person who hit me.  She asked me to repeat myself and then asked if there was a confrontation, and I told her no, everything was fine but that we needed an officer to come quickly to McDonald's because I wasn't sure how long the guy was going to be there.  She said, "Sir, whatever you do, please avoid confrontation.  If you get us his license plate number, even if he leaves we can find him."  The words "avoid confrontation" were ringing in my ears as I heard Jessica say, "Are you ready?"  I asked the dispatcher if I could give her the numbers, and Jessica started reading them out loud to me.  It was at about the moment that she got the last number out that I looked in the side mirror and saw our man coming back towards the vehicle.  "Get in the damned vehicle, Jessica!" was the only thought running through my mind.  I told the 911 operator that the guy was coming back to his van, and she told me to just sit tight and that an officer would be there shortly.  I've never had the best luck with police response times, so I was hoping being in a fast food parking lot would be the added motivation to get someone here quicker.  As she was wrapping up her instructions, I heard a female say in a very loud voice, "You know, you've got some balls, buddy!"  My heart was in my throat.

I quickly turned around to see what was going on, but the trunk was still open, obscuring my view.  I flipped back forwards and stuck my head out the window to see that Jessica had stormed across the parking lot and was right in the van driver's face.  "Sir? Sir?"  The operator was still on the line, and I quickly told her, "You need to get someone here fast!  There's a fight!"  I hung up the phone and dropped it somewhere on the floor board.  There were a million things I wanted to do at that moment, and getting out of the car was not to be found on that list.  The guy seemed genuinely surprised by Jessica's sneak attack, and she was really starting to lay into him. "You know, it is guys like you who make this world such a great place to live in.  You think because you drive a van for a living you must be better than the rest of us and get to just do as you please?  Guess what?  Only a loser would hit and run someone, in a hospital parking lot no less!"  I could tell the guy had gone from surprised to irritated.  "Hey, hey, hey," I said in my authoritative Housing Director voice as I stepped out of the car. "There's no reason to get in a fight."  "Oh yeah," he replied.  "She your wife?"

His question caught me off guard, and my voice went from authoritative to intimidated as I mumbled out, "Nah, we're not married."  He looked me up and down, and although he was probably 20 years my senior and a couple inches shorter than me, I think he saw the fear in my eyes.  Or maybe he smelled the shit in my pants.  Either way, he was ready to push the issue.  "I didn't hit your car, man, so tell this bitch she better settle the fuck down."  Evidently those were the magic words that made Jessica, a total stranger who I was trusting my life with, snap and reach out and knock the guy's drink out of his hands.  The closest I've ever been to a physical altercation in my 29-years on this planet was when my car door reached out and smashed my nose a few weeks ago.  That was more than enough for my taste.  Thankfully, I wasn't his target (who says chivalry is dead?).  He reached out both hands and gave Jessica a hard enough push that she went sprawling on the ground.  I immediately turned to try to catch her, but I missed.  I reached down to help her up, but I'm pretty sure I no longer existed at that moment.  "Where's my fucking purse?!"  There were no tears in her eyes, but so much anger in her voice as she jumped up and ran towards her car door.  I'm sure my eyes were as big as dinner plates as I turned back to look at the delivery man.  He looked at least as shocked as I did at what was going on.  I'm pretty sure when he got dressed that morning he didn't plan on knocking a girl over in a parking lot.  It was official: this was God's way of telling me to keep my tubby butt away from McDonald's or else He was going to make me the key witness in an assault trial.

Jessica came back around the corner with her purse and was digging to the bottom.  Delivery guy and I just stood there like twin statues, both wondering if it was a knife, a gun, or a grenade that she was going to pull out of the bottom of her bag.  She finally found what she was searching for and pulled out a small plastic container as she dropped her purse and all of its contents on the cement.  I've seen enough police dramas to know that someone was about to get pepper sprayed, and I'd be damned if it was going to be me.  At last, my desire to get a phone number of a girl who knew Batman and smelled like vanilla was finally outweighed by my desire to get as far away from this crazy chick as possible.  Delivery guy must have realized what was in his future, and he quickly turned around, threw open the double doors on the back of the van and tried to climb in.  As I turned to dive for cover, I saw the lights of the police car pulling in and hard the squawk of the siren.  None of this was going to stop Jessica from her mission.  The poor delivery man who made an honest mistake and backed into a poorly made American car whose light probably wasn't in there all that well to begin with was about to get maced, but he was going to fight that fate as hard as he could.  From my spot on the ground somewhere near the large puddle of urine that appeared out of nowhere, I had a good vantage point of the rest of the proceedings.  Jessica opened fire and sprayed her weapon in the general direction of the van.  The policeman was now out of his car and screaming for her to stop as he ran towards her.  Delivery guy had his front half of his body in the van as he was clawing his way towards safety, his feet still dangling out the tail end.  Jessica took a step closer to the double doors and began spraying the inside of the van, and I could hear the screams echoing inside the vehicle as she finally hit her target.  The cop got to her about the time that she got to the delivery guy, and she began hitting his thighs, clawing at his shirt.  The officer grabbed her and began to drag her away from her helpless victim, and it was this point that she reached out and started pulling his leg...

Just like I'm pulling yours.

Happy April 1!

Jeff

PS - That's called the Sybil Special.  If you liked my little journey into make-believe land, help me out by not tipping anyone off on Facebook.  In fact, feel free to make the story even that much more believable for future readers by selling it a little in a FB comment, maybe an "OMG!" or "Glad you're okay, you handsome devil!"  Let's work together, people!