Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Monday 1534: You Want 10 Truths?! You Can't Handle 10 Truths!

(I know this "Monday" is technically a Tuesday, but my real Monday went all Garfield on me and didn't leave me with the mental energy to put this out there.  Please cope.)


1.  I Had a GREAT First Week
I won't tease you and make you read to the very end of the post to find out how I did.  Remember, my starting weight was 274.2 on Friday, April 8.  As of Friday, April 15, I am currently clocking in at:

267.4!  I'll take a one week loss of 6.8 pounds.  I know the first week is always one of the easiest, but just like back in November, I'm going to cling to even the most inflated victories.  Let's also not forget that when I started this whole ordeal back in November I was at 289, so that's a 22 pound total loss that has been somewhat maintained for six months.  While it isn't the end result I'm shooting for, it is enough to remind me that I can keep going and succeed.  For those of you keeping track at home, that's $87.50 total donated to the American Heart Association after Week 1 of The Challenge.

2.  Limiting Fast Food Was Phase 1
I wish I could say I did something miraculous, but I literally just didn't eat out as much.  I say as much because I didn't even manage to cut out eating out altogether.  The difference was that when I did stop at McDonald's for breakfast, I went with the oatmeal (it is really, really good) and a medium black coffee.  I still had a couple of weird binging moments on both weekends, but the good outweighed the bad.  I'm still big enough that screw-ups don't completely derail the weekly results, but that is a crutch I need to get rid of soon.

3.  Adding Light Exercise Is Phase 2
I'm almost positive that I've mentioned how much I hate working out.  I decided this weekend that I really wanted Subway, but the only way I was going to allow myself the pleasure was if I walked to Subway to get my food.  It seemed pretty simple, but when I got back home with my sandwiches I wasn't as happy as I should have been with my decision.  The following sentences are going to sound like a completely spoiled fat kid who has clearly grown up in America, but it is what I was thinking, so I'm sharing regardless of how whiny  and privileged it makes me sound.  I have some major hang-ups about walking for the sake of walking.  The biggest one is that when I see a guy walking by himself somewhere, I immediately think, "I wonder if he got a DUI or if his car got repo'ed?"  You just don't see single men walking around by themselves all that often.  If it is women in sweatpants or a couple pushing a stroller, well, clearly they are trying to get healthier.  But dudes out walking around?  There's something inherently creepy about that to me.  I don't enjoy walking just to get outside, enjoy the fresh air, and clear my head.  I can open windows and sleep to get those things accomplished.  I might walk if I had a purpose (other than health), but if there was really a purpose like needing to get somewhere, why wouldn't I just hop in my car and get there five times as fast without all the smelling like a locker room nonsense?  I walked a couple of times in Sheldon because there was a group of people that did it, but never alone.  So, I'm still working on implementing a Phase 2 that involves some form of exercise that will just help push my weight loss progress along.  If I can get down under 260, I think I'll be ready to step it up to something a little more heavy duty (please do not read that sentence as "running for the sake of running" because I understand that even less than the walking nonsense).

4.  There Are Some Advantages to Not Having Cable
I'm still rocking the bunny ears and a Netflix subscription, which have allowed me to enjoy the following perks:
  • I don't have to watch the Twins lose on a regular basis. C'mon fellas!  Pull it together!
  • I've never seen an episode of Jersey Shore, which makes me feel like I'm a better person.
  • I've been able to watch some of the most amazing movies/documentaries/TV shows that I never would have found otherwise.
  • I'm not a slave to having 5,000 shows to watch anymore.  I used to have 4:30-11 pm every single night of the week blocked out for my shows.  Now I regularly watch Modern Family and The Office.  The freedom is amazing.
  • I figured out how to stream YouTube videos directly to the big screen, so I can now watch wrestling matches from the 80's and 90's whenever I please.  It's still real to me, dammit!
  • I've also seen some really, really, epically awful movies, too, including every Nic Cage movie ever made.  I have a weird obsession with Nic Cage movies.  If you've never tried this before, go into a really, really bad movie with zero expectations for greatness, and then sit back and enjoy the awfulness involved.  Also, while you are doing this, remember that this movie cost more to make than you'll earn in your entire lifetime.  I would encourage you to have a cold beverage in hand as you make all of these realizations.  Even in Nic Cage's best movies he was bat-shit crazy, and I guess I admire his dedication to his crazy craft.  Also, he won an Oscar.

5. I Never Stopped Believing
Back in the summer of 2009, I went to the third greatest concert I'd ever been to and arguably the most fun.  A group of my buddies got together and shared the experience of Journey live in concert.  To make it all that much better, they had Night Ranger (for you kids out there, they sang "Sister Christian") opening for them.  We stood through almost the entire concert and sang along with every song we knew.  When they tried to get fancy and play new stuff, we, along with everyone else in the Arena, ran to the local beer stand to refill our fun tanks.  It was an absolute blast.

You can imagine my surprise when I found out that Journey and Night Ranger were back out on tour again and would be making a stop in St. Paul.  This news alone was enough to get me excited, but then I found out that Foreigner would be joining them this time around.  Ladies and gentlemen, I dare you to find a better combination of 70's/80's hair band, pop rock, anthem-style awesomeness.  I immediately bought six tickets so that I can share the experience again with friends.  I have one additional ticket spoken for by my rock n' roll aunt, but if you're interested in joining us let me know.  Supplies are limited. Some restrictions may apply.  Offer not valid in New Hampshire, Rhode Island, or Alaska.

6. My New Rice Cooker Is a Miracle Worker
My friend Zach gets the shout out of the week for turning me on to the miracle of the rice steamer.  For $15, I get to come home every night, throw some rice and water in a pot, throw some veggies on top in the steamer basket, throw in the meat of my choice, and enjoy a tasty and nutritious dinner in about 20 minutes with almost zero effort on my part.  How did I not have one of these before?!  This thing, in combination with my George Foreman Grill, are easily the two most essential appliances I own. Those microwaveable steamer bags are still handy to have around when I'm in a real time crunch, but it is hard to trade off the fresh vegetables.

7.  All Frozen Treats Are Not Created Equal
Over the past couple of weeks, I've found myself craving ice cream more and more. After peeing on a stick, I realized that this craving was not directly linked to an impending pregnancy. Whew! That was a close one. In particular, I'm drawn to Ben & Jerry and all of their delicious creations. As I started this diet, I figured I needed something in the freezer that would help keep this craving under control without allowing me to get out of control. Enter Ben & Jerry's FroYo. I figured that the Half Baked (half brownie, half chocolate chip cookie dough) FroYo (for those of you who are uneducated in frozen food delicacies, it stands for frozen yogurt) might be the answer. With its lower calories and lower fat than the original, I thought maybe having it around would be less harmful than having the real deal.  However, FroYo is not IcCre. The real deal is so rich and creamy and chocolaty and delicious. The fake stuff tastes like frozen milk. I suppose it is better this way because I'll be less tempted to sit down and eat the whole container at once, a feat that I used to perform with some regularity with the ice cream version. I know, I know, having sweets around is flirting with disaster. But if a spoonful of FroYo helps the medicine of weight loss go down, then I guess I'll keep it around.

8. The Keys to My Success
Here are a few of the products that I've found to be helpful:

  • Birdseye and Green Giant Steamer Bags-  They steam vegetables, pastas, rice...you name it.  And they all clock in at reasonable calorie/fat numbers
  • Jimmy Dean Turkey Sausage, Egg, and Cheese Breakfast Bagel-  Quick, easy, and just over 200 calories.  They are convenient to have on hand for both lunch and dinner.
  • Almonds - I bought an enormous thing of almonds at Costco, and I keep them at my desk for when I get hungry.  Just a couple of them manage to stave off any cravings and hunger that might sneak up during a busy day.
  • Tyson Frozen Unbreaded Teriyaki Chicken Breasts - These chicken breasts are pre-cooked, and it takes three minutes before they are ready to go on top of my veggies/rice/tortilla/whatever.  
  • Papa Murphy's deLite Thin Crust Pizza - I can't not eat pizza.  It is my favorite food, and if I had to choose one item to live on the rest of my life, pizza would win.  Papa Murphy's deLite is really tasty and still makes me feel like I'm treating myself without going overboard.
  • McDonald's Oatmeal and Fruit and Walnut Salad (snack size) - I still get lazy and want breakfast variety, and both of these items are fantastic.  The Fruit and Walnut Salad comes with apples, grapes, walnuts, and a little yogurt dipping area.  I have never used all the yogurt topping stuff, so I like to think I'm coming in even further under the calorie radar.  The Oatmeal was a super pleasant surprise.  It was loaded with apples and cranberry raisins, and it had just a slight maple/brown sugar flavor without being too heavy on calories or fat.
  • Fresh Express Salad Kits - I'm eating one of these as I type.  It is a full bag of salad meant as a starter for a family, but it works as a stand alone meal for me, too.  Today's version has a Pear Gorgonzola Vinaigrette with Candied Almonds, and it clocks in at 260 calories.  Good stuff, Maynard.  
  • Beer - I should probably say "the complete lack of beer".  This past week was one of the first ones in a long time where we didn't end up going to happy hour, so not having those empty calories certainly helped.  With that said, there's no way I'm giving up my happy hour social fun time.  And no, Mom, I can't go to the happy hour, not order a beer, and still have fun.  I'm still in my 20's and want to act like it the small amount that is left.  Still, everything in moderation!

9. The Race was Neck and Neck!
That is, the race to find either the love of my life or a new couch on the Internet.  The couch won, and it took me exactly 14 hours and 27 minutes before I bled on it.  I shouldn't be allowed to have nice things.  In hindsight, the other objective probably would have been more beneficial to my overall mission of a better me, but this couch really is nice and will allow me to have people come over to visit.  Also, I don't have to buy it breakfast in the morning after laying on it all night.  Hey-oh!

10. Heart Disease Accounts for Nearly 40% of All Deaths in the United States
So, if you haven't already and would like to, do your part and pledge your support as I try to not be another one of those statistics.  100% of the proceeds go to the American Heart Association.  If you'd like to pledge, feel free to reply below or e-mail me at jeffpool81@hotmail.com.  I haven't given up my dream of donating $1,500, but at my current pledge rate I need to lose 120 lbs.  That's a tough row to hoe.

Disappearing before your eyes,

Jeff

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